heres a bad joke your life

Psychics develop their “6th sense” as soon as their sense of shame is dwarfed by their sense of how gullible people are.

What’s the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don’t rape the sandwich before I eat it.

When Jedi need to read PDFs, they use Adobe Wan Kenobi.

My German plumber just hooked my gas line to my shower. I guess old habits die hard.

[ER] HIPSTER: I fell off my acoustic motorcycle & broke my mustache twirler. DOC:… H: I fell off my bike & broke my hand. D: Rub kale on it.

OMG I’M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING

How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only juan.

PLEASE LEAVE A VOICEMAIL (if you’re calling from 1986)

A Women’ Apology I am sorry, But it was Your mistake.