at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed

Let’s hold off calling dolphins the smartest animal until they stop getting caught in nets.

How do crows know what time is it? They have the knights watch .

what did the asian german say to that Jew joke that hit the front page ? I Reich

Oh, you were sexually harassed in the workplace? Sounds like a personnel problem.

If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can’t be left alone with your best looking cousin.

A pirate walks into a brothel and says… “ARG! THERE SHE BLOWS!” Edit: Wow 8 views. thanks guys 😀

I went for a job interview. The bloke asked, “Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?” “Same as now – in photos and mirrors,” I replied

Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but prune juice and viagra? He couldn’t tell if he was coming or going.

I wonder how many lightbulbs it takes to change a baby.