The man is crying on the cemetry. -Why did you leave us so early? He is asked why are you so crying? Do you cry about your close relative? -No, I am crying about the first husband of my wife.

Why are photographers always so depressed? Because they always focus on the negatives.

My wife said yesterday… That I don’t listen to her..I said: OK, sounds good

[camping] “Dad I’m afraid a raccoon is gonna come in my tent and eat me” -don’t be silly. It’ll probably be a bear. Sleep tight.

History We Live in Generation where.. . . “Deleting History is more important than Creating History” 😀

When coining nicknames, be sure it reflects how that person has impacted your life. For example, my two sons Buzzkill and Third Mortgage.

Donald Trump is 69. Let’s hope the death trend carries on. Third time’s the charm.

My friend told me all women are the same. He always makes broad generalizations.

“Dude, you’re getting a Dell!” – Me pulling my spoiled unruly son out of the Apple Store

I keep getting calls telling me that I have outstanding bills… …and while I appreciate the compliment, they’re really nothing special.