I just bought my wife some new eyes, a new nose and a new mouth… I can’t wait to see her face when she opens them.

My wife got my daughter a bowl with Dora on it It’s adorable

What’s the difference between fire and water? Everything, dumbass

Dr. Dre Beats.

A legendary quote by Mahatma Gandhi “History is not created by those who browse in incognito mode”

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

What is a mexican’s favourite sport? Cross-Country Running

I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I’ve never been there

Black Friday has taken all of my money : Robinson Crusoe

My children drive me to drinking… As soon as they got their licenses I made them start bringing me to the bar.