Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

Why do southern girls get pregnant so much more than northern girls? Because it takes them so much longer to say “Kaaa-WIT!”

If people on Twitter found a horses’ head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops…..

What do outlaws eat with their milk? Crookies.

What kind of animal lives in a triangle Hippotenuse

Arguing w him is like playing Pictionary w/ the person who draws one weird little shape and just keeps circling it over and over and over.

Women having sex with me …HA

Two hefty guys are drinking in the pub, one says “Your round.”

What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair

I haven’t slept for 10 days…. …because that would be too long. – Mitch Hedberg