What did the leper say to the prostitute? (NSFW) You can keep the tip…

In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing “Duke” sweatshirts are actual dukes.

No wonder ghosts can be disruptive. Some are hundreds of years old and they have to hear us say shit like “My mouse is out of batteries.”

Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled.I laughed at the irony.Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.

What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day? Pooping

[NSFW] what did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip

I’m going to read braille to the deaf… For the ASL competition.

I got into a fight with a baseball player. It wasn’t too bad. All I did was strike him three times and he was knocked out.

Why don’t penguins ever get married? They always get cold feet! ^^I’ll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.

Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it? Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.