Why is buying a macbook like using a high end prostitute? Because you spend more but, at least you don’t get a virus

No thanks, Trix cereal. I have enough drama in my life without a rabbit trying to steal my breakfast.

My New Yahoo Password NoSecur!Ty

I really hope the word “sodomized” doesn’t appear in my autopsy report.

You breed dogs? Don’t they do that on their own?

In my spare time I help blind children. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty

As my girlfriend was trying on jeans, a clerk asked her “Need a bigger size?” I saw the look on her face and went to make room in the trunk.

How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to keep browsing Reddit and another to get someone else to do it.

There is a mathematical theory for good sex The heat of the meat is directly proportional to angle of the dangle given that the mass of the ass is constant.