How do you know when an accountant’s on holidays? He doesn’t wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

What do you call a small bull? A MINI-TAUR!

What do you call it when you get an erection at a funeral? Mourning wood

The difference between snowmen and snowwomen. Snowballs.

Did you hear the one about Jerry Sandusky molesting kids? If not, it’s okay – neither did the Police.

Who cares if toilet paper is soft or not? Only an asshole can tell the difference anyway.

“Darling, your teeth are like stars.” “So yellow and so far apart…”

What did Dj Khaled say to the barn owl? You talonted

Today my dad died in a scuba accident It was a very depressing situation

You can lead a horse to water and if he walks on it congratulations you found horse jesus.