I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is.

Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me.

im a normal guy.. i put on my pants on the exact same normal amount of leg way you do. i kno that number. im a nomal guy

Have you heard about the new car from Israel? Not only does it stop on the dime, but it picks it up too!

It’s not really fair that little kids can talk and dogs can’t. I bet dogs have way cooler stories and they don’t ask as many dumb questions.

You may not like EVERY government agency… …but you’ve really gotta hand it to the IRS.

What’s the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? I wouldn’t pay 200 to have a lentil on my face

What did scrooge mcduck use to educate huey , dewey and louie? Duck tapes

A prostitute said she would do anything for $10… Guess who just got their car washed!

Motion to rename biological clock “restless egg syndrome.”