Sideburns of Reddit, I mustache you a question Not really. I just came here to… *bust your chops.* *snickers maniacally*

Lumberjacks are good at maths because of their log rhythms Thanks, HL Math.

What is ISIL’s favourite dessert? Terrormisu

DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder. ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?

It is a scientific fact that the gravitational pull of a woman’s cleavage on a man’s eyes is too strong to be fought!!!

Q: What did the can say to the can opener? A: You make me flip my lid.

Q: What came first; the chicken or the egg? A: The rooster.

My Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost. “Two quid for a cup of tea?!”… I said, “Well you just popped round, I didn’t invite you!”

A roman centurion walks into a bar… He holds up two fingers and says: “Five beers, please.”

today I matched speeds with a car on the highway so I could make eye contact with a dog in the backseat