How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? Nein

Does your camera know you’ve been using it to look like a whore?

Heard on Haight St. the other day: Why didnt the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? Cause he was just too far out, man. Edit: I work on Haight St. This was in exchange for one cigarette.

My friend broke one of his bones in a funny accident. It was humerus.

How do you say goodbye in Arabic? “BOOM!”

What do you call a reptile…? What do you call a reptile who says “But Cowardly Lion……You’ve had courage….. This entire….Time”? [The Wonderful Lizard of Pause](/spoiler)

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ? Webley stadium !

There are so many scary things in life: -fear -hate -murder -injustice -the woman in line behind me who just said “boughten”

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a number 2 pencil.

If a problem has a solution – no need to worry. If there is no solution – then it is pointless to worry about. A fundamental principle of apathy.