I think the only time my ex didn’t fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects? dead ants… dead ants… dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss

So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer… Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is “inappropriate”

Joke of The Day A new Student came to the class. After telling the rest of the Children his name, the teacher asked, “what does your Father do”? . . . . . . Student :” Whatever Mom Says”

Why shouldn’t you use red, white, and blue paint in a watercolor? Because these colors don’t run

How do you make holy water? You just boil the hell out of it!

How do you get a nun pregnant ? Fuck her.

What do you call a mix Mexican-Jamaican rock climber? A caribeaner.

What do you do with a Rhinoceros with 3 balls? You walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

If you ever need anything, just ask. But also, please never need anything.