There’s a party in the garden so lettuce turnip the beet

This restaurant is so fancy they made my husband wear a jacket over his mesh half-shirt.

No time to exercise? Get the results of a 30 minute workout in only 3 seconds by accidentally stepping on your cat on the stairs in the dark

Doggy style My wife and I haf sex doggy style last night…She rolled over and played dead, and I sat there and begged for it.

The most important thing about telling a joke is timing

Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took….

If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I’m gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.

What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof? You’re hired

What’s the most common question in Quantum Physics? I don’t know

If you love something, set it free If you hate something, do origami If you’re hungry, go watch a movie I don’t understand how advice works