Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart? Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small.

What’s the difference between me and a pile of bricks? The bricks will get laid.

Ok America. You’ve made us chuckle with this whole Trump 2016 thing. But if we see Kanye 2020 happen… No. More. SYRUP. Love, Canada

Can anyone help me. I don’t know where to park my boat and all the other captains are making fun of me. im under alot of pier pressure!

What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.

Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart? Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small!

Why is six scared of seven?… Because seven was registered as a six offender.

Top three perverts that see you when you’re sleeping: 1. Santa. 2. God. 3. NSA.

Insomnia sufferers, look on the bright side. only three more sleeps until christmas.

“What protection do you use?” “Protection?” “When you have Sex.” “Sex??”