Why did the biscuit cry? His mum had been a wafer too long.

My New Years resolution is 1080p.

*gets email* -Do you want to chat with hot nineteen-year olds in your area?- *responds* “Can any of them help me with this iTunes update?”

I just read a list of “100 things to do before you die.” I’m surprised “yell for help” didn’t make the list.

The Irishman’s dilemma. Do you eat the potatoes now or do you let them ferment so you can drink them later?

What do you call an exceptional Mexican? Nacho average guy

How many mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one.

you are one of billions of workers trading irreplaceable hours of your life so a few hundred guys can have more money than anyone in history

I tried oscillating once. Not a fan.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey