A super villain gently petting a carpet sample instead of a cat.

Why did the boy stop using his Sony, his Boombox, and his Bose Radio? He stopped believing in stereotypes.

I think the most profound advice my father ever told me was… “Stop using me in your bullshit stories.”

I heard that Auschwitz had to ask people to stop playing Pokemon Go. Which is weird, because they have the same slogan. Gotta catch ’em all.

My english teacher was a fan of CAPITAL punishment. She despised small letters

What do you call a gay magician? A poof

The cancelled marathon runners should seriously run through the boroughs with supplies. I said it earlier as a joke, now I say it for real.

What do you call a wet spy? James Pond ( )

Ladies and Gents “Ladies and Gents…. …and that concludes our tour of the toilets.”

What do you call a deceptive legume? A Lima bean