A woman gets breast implants made of wood.. Too bad this joke doesn’t have a punchline, it would probably be funny. Wooden tit?

What do Porsche and Apple have in common? New product, same design.

Why did the chicken say, “Meow, oink, bow-wow, moo?” He was studying foreign languages.

Girl called me the other day and said: ‘Come on over, nobody’s home’ I went over, nobody was home.

Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight? There was bad beef between them

why do woman get periods? because they deserve them

What do Jaqen H’ghar from Game of Thrones and Christina Aguilera have in common? They both know “what a girl wants” and “what a girl needs”.

I spend more time hitting the damn snooze button than I do snoozing.

How you can tell if a person is Irish: a fly lands in their pint of beer. They grab the fly and start shaking it over their beer yelling “Spit it out ya bastard, spit it out!”

My wife tried imitating the weird groaning sound her car is making, and all three auto mechanics asked her out.