What did the lawyer say when he stepped in dog shit? Help me….. I’m melting

This: sentence: is: sick: it has :cancer.

I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Sure! What’s your name? “Uhh. I don’t know. I never get this far” You don’t know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool

I wish my condoms had little jokes on them, instead of in them.

What do you want to do before you tickle someone? Test-tickles

Why is Uhura black? Because William shat on her.

I hate when I put my open beer down and forget where I put it and then I find like 7 open beers.

My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you’re drunk

Q: What did the blonde say during a porno? A: “There I am!”