The moment you realise… The new COD has space battles and Star Wars battlefront doesn’t.

owl friend Today, my owl buddy told me he was getting married. I replied ‘you twit, to who?’

Today, someone asked me if there’s a possibility that I know anything about Medieval music. I said, “not a Gregorian chants”.

I don’t sign anything without pretending to read it first.

I had sex last night. Man I hate prison

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.

Guy: [pulls out knife] Me: But I’m allergic to stainless steel Guy: [stabs me] Me: Noooo I’ll get a rash

Hodor is the ultimate gentleman! He always holds the door.

I opened the door to find my friend masturbating. He yelled “Close the door!” So I yelled, “Get inside!”

Unshakable Fact # 1 A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing them.