What’s the speed limit to sex? 68. Once you go 69 you have to stop and turn around.

What is Tony Romo’s favorite lottery game? Pick Six

What’s the worst part about being black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

Lawyers Q:is it true you charge eache question 500 bucks? A:yes. what’s the second question?

What do you call an unemployed classical musician? Baroque

Most girls on Facebook have more problems than a math text book..

I had surgery today… It was touch n go at first until the doctor came in and made me stop playing grab ass with the nurses.

[spelling bee] Your word is ‘impossible’ “Oh, well I guess no point in trying” *walks off stage*

I replace all the family pictures my coworkers have on their desks with pictures of baby sloths and suddenly I need professional help?!?

Freedom of expression is great… I can make a kissy face, smiley face or a frowny face, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it