I’ve known my drug dealer since I was this high.

I went to a bingo hall last night. It was good seeing some old faces.

Jesus wasn’t just fit…. He was crossfit.

Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana

Two wind turbines in a field and one says to the other “Do you like music?” He replies “I’m a big metal fan.”

I just ate wood chips covered in lead-based paint… Hopefully I’ll “number 2” a pencil.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!

What does John Cena wash his hair with? Champ who?

Confucius says man who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger

OMG… JUST OPENED A CUPBOARD AND ALL MY POSTAGE STAMPS ARE PREGNA- Oh wait, it’s Ravioli.