I think I’m a light eater. As soon as it’s light, I start eating.

Why don’t gays like to play hide-and-seek? Because everyone knows they’re in the closet

Where do babies come from? Well, when a man and a woman drink alcoholic beverages together…

On Passive-Aggressive Jeopardy, the contestants answer Alex Trebek in the form of rhetorical questions.

What did the borg say to the medieval peasant? Resistance if feudal

all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it’s gone

Have you seen the clown that hides from ugly people? I thought not…

My apartment looks like a Sims house before you figure out the cheat code for unlimited money.

Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.

They call it The “I’m listening”. They call it The Dr. Crane. They call it… … tossed salad and scrambled eggs.