Making an effort in 2013 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.

I like to think that the lead singer of Limp Bizkit sorts out his own affairs before seeing to other peoples… Durst’s things First

A husband and his wife. “honey I have a confession to make. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist” “Thats’s okay dear” the wife replied. “I’ve been seeing the pool man and our daughter’s basketball coach”

If you want to get rich why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.

Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I’d highly recommend Fight Club.

I took my new dog to a Veterinarian. He went in Samoyed but came out Husky.

A cool thing about me is that I have 3 academic degrees and only several more dollars in the bank

Idea: Breathalyzer tests at the airport, to make sure you’re drunk enough

‘Hit me with your pet shark’ #RuinAn80sSong

What do you call someone who is sexually attracted to fish? Mer-curious