Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving…

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today… …while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

You’re like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

You lost your phone when its’ on silent? well too bad! If you liked it, you should have put a RING on it.

I like the way baseball players pick up each other’s bats after they cross home plate. More sports courtesy, please.

The first 1500 pictures of your kids were cute, now it’s a bit much.

My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry!

I said this to a mom I met at the park If you were a Galaxy, you’d be the Milfy Way.

I lost a Scrabble game today when my opponent played the word “Clitoris”. I was amazed at how fast he found it.

I asked my friend from North Korea how it was to live there. He said he couldn’t complain.