If you want to become a beatboxing champion, try zipping up a tight dress.

What do you call a stupid ant? Antwerp.

“Kids are great when you need help around the house.” – People who don’t have kids

Why did the orange go to the doctor? Because she wasn’t peeling very well… All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here

What do you call a Japanese Transvestite? Nip Tuck

If by mathematician you mean dividing the number of snacks in my car by the number of miles I need to drive, then yes, I’m a mathematician.

I’ve come to realize that if a Facebook profile picture has two people in it, It always belongs to the uglier one.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today… …It is already tomorrow in Australia.

After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide.

FOX NEWS: ONE WINTER STORM DISPROVES GLOBAL WARMING BUT MORE THAN A BILLION PEACEFUL MUSLIMS ARE AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE