Ladies, here’s a secret. The moment you are happy and over us, we will send you a text saying that we miss you.

Real ghost niggas eat the BOOty

Why you shouldn’t ask Napoleon for money He’s a bit short

Why are most male politicians gay? They can only mandate.

The fact that axe handles are made of wood is the ultimate “fuck you” to trees.

I named my hard drive “Dat Ass” So every month or so my computer asks me if I wanna back dat ass up

Thank God It’s Monday” ~ My Liver

Hey, smiling strangers. No thanks.

Sleep It’s better than the rest

I’ve never had anyone at hello.