Being a vegatarian is a missed-steak!

Me: I want a pet dragon! Life: HERE’S A CAT WITH IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME.

Yo momma so fat you can see the entire couch behind her due to gravitational lensing.

Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him? A: To see how long he slept.

Unlike his famous father, Lord Kelvin’s son never amounted to much. He was an absolute zero.

I have a new low score on the Wells Fargo game I downloaded on my iPhone.

You wanna hear a joke? Me attempting to tell a funny joke.

I’d read a book written by the person who pushes the room service cart into people’s hotel rooms.

What did the Doe say when she walked out of the bushes? I’ll never do that for two bucks again.

You know what they say… 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name