Knock knock? Who’s there? …It’s Johnny, grandma… A single tear rolled down the boys face. Alzheimers was taking its hold on her.

Ever hear of Henry, Santa’s brown nosed reindeer? He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn’t stop as quickly.

Why do smarter people last longer when having sex? Because it takes twice as long to fuck their brains out

One Wish If I was a governor the first thing I’d do, is make having a family garden an excessive tax write-off: and I’d have the most beautiful state ever.

Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching.

What’s the main ingredient when making pickle bread? Dill dough.

Me: *puts ferret in box with cat* Mom: What are you doing? Me: Making carrets! Mom: Carrots? Me: Yup! *plays Barry White* Cat: *yowls*

I keep having these fantasies about the beautiful Lottery Lady on Saturday Evening TV … …. No, not about winning the jackpot, I’m imagining her holding my balls in her hands.

If 40 is the new 20, does that mean 20 is the new 10, and if so, do I need to delete these photos off my phone?

What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffet have in common? They both had kurds in their way. (Curds in their whey.) ***This joke is phonetically superior to its’ written version.