Strap-on If you’re thinking of purchasing a strap-on, you don’t want to rush into the decision…you’re going to be stuck with it for life.

Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night. Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb.

What do you call an earthquake in NYC? Harlem Shake.

Difference between a prostitute and a slut The prostitute sleeps with everybody. The slut sleeps with everybody except me.

Nice shoes They really stand out

Guys GUYS wait! Stay awake, for God’s sake stay awake because I just found out if you die on Twitter YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE!

Did you hear about the new cologne Chris Brown put out? I heard it was a real hit with the ladies.

Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don’t have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Ayeee-Matey

What’s the best part of two lesbians marrying? Two cooks in the house.