Doritos has a new snack called “Taco Explosion” so I’m suing Frito Lay for stealing my term for what occurs an hour after eating Taco Bell.

My friend asked me what I thought about Internet message boards. I said “I’m all forum”

My wife said I needed to grow up I was speechless It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

I did bad and I should feel bad What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people? Horizontal blinds.

Why did the scare crow win the award? He was out standing in his field. This has Always been my favourite pun.

I am so drunk, i’m going to regreddit tomorrow! regReddit GET IT? wow, this is as dry as california.

WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey

Jesus loves you. A wonderful thing to hear in church. A terrible thing to hear in jail.

What do people say when you win a game in Egypt? Game, *Set,* and match.