A midget psychic broke out of prison. Now there’s a small medium at large.

GEEK BOOTY CALL… CHARISMA Looks like somebody rolled a 20 on their Charisma check!

I told my girlfriend I could use a little pussy She said “me too, mine’s as big as a house.” Credit: Predator (1987)

If you can’t hang Don’t be a runaway slave

There isn’t anything that keeps you awake at night like a case of the what ifs.

My penis was fired today… so if anyone has any openings I can fill, let me know.

[at oceanside seafood restaurant] Me: Is the fish fresh here? Waiter: Yes *from the kitchen, a fish blows me a kiss & waves seductively*

How do you know your at a gay BBQ? The hotdogs taste like shit.

Why do elephants hide behind trees? To trip ants.

Just saw the Lego Movie… …it was very well *pieced* together! (Got this off Doug Benson’s ‘Doug Loves Movies’ podcast)