whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i’ll hack into their security cameras real fast [types “job openings” into google]

What is the favourite meal of pakistani taliban members? Tikka Malala

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

Damn girl , are you a TV ?? Because you got all eyes on you !

The main reason Santa Claus is so jolly is because… he knows where all the bad girls live. :3

Why did the investment bankers start dating? Compound interest

They say people couldn’t have everything because they don’t have enough space to put it, I say ‘everything’ includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.

“I hate hashtags!” Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall.

You want to know a neat trick to get yourself to stop being annoyed by a baby crying? Close the lid to the dumpster.

My dishwasher broke down and stopped working So I remarried