What song people listen to while jumping off skyscrapers? Let the bodies hit the floor by Drowning Pool.

All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.

What’s a pirates favorite letter? “argh…” “NO, IT BE THE SEA”

Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day!

Day 1: Brad wears no pants Day 2: Brad wears no pants Day 3: Brad wears no pants … … This is just a bottomless Pitt

What do you call a one legged female pirate? ARRRRlene…

If your online dating profile says “I don’t have sex on the first date” then that’s why you’re on a dating website.

I once made an error in little league, When I signed up to play.

A Japanese teenager approaches his father nervously… “Dad, I have to tell you something. Please don’t be upset, but I’m gay.” “How could I not be upset?! Why not gay plus!?”

I wanted to tell a joke about a blind people.. ..I figured they wouldn’t see it.