What kind of fish is made from two sodium atoms? A 2na

“Dear God, make me a bird, so I can…” *turns into penguin* “DAMMIT I WASN’T FINISHED!”

Barring any distractions, it only takes about three months to teach a meerkat how to throw knives.

I hate it when girls say the wrong name during sex They know my name isn’t someone help

What’s the difference between three penises and a joke? Your mom can’t take a joke.

A third grader opens the door and yells to his mom. “Mom! Today I found out I have a bigger penis than all the other kids!” “That’s because you’re 23, Tyrone.”

Want to get really stoned? Commit adultery in Iran.

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects? Because she was too ahoof.

Do you know what else are nazis? The other 25 letter of the alphabet.

WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don’t. Thank you.