The chicken Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn’t. He was to chicken.

One man’s whore is another man’s whore.

If the secret ingredient in Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte was the tears of underprivileged children, white people would still drink it.

For the record ladies, your insecurities about your bodies is a bigger turn off to guys than your bodies ever could be.

I texted someone “hell yeah,” but autocorrect changed it to “hell year” because even our phones know.

It’s racist how they always put Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd in a bad neighborhood.

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear? Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter? They BURy it

What’s the worst thing Willie Nelson can tell you while giving you a handjob? I’m not Willie Nelson

More people die from drug overdose than guns… Because guns can’t take drugs.