Im absolutely exhausted, would you believe I have spent all week road testing penny farthings….. My feet haven’t touched the ground.

dude *scoffs like 7 times in a row* of course i’m not a virgin… i have lots of *starts readin hand, ink is hella smudged* secular intercom

Click for Joke! You’re good looking.

What did the cake say to the knife? You want a piece of me?!?

If you ever feel useless… Remember there is a someone in the BMW factory installing turn signals.

Even scarier than seeing a shark fin in the water is seeing a lion mane, because you know the chase isn’t over once you reach land.

Why do Taiwanese students always do so well on their standardized tests? They’ve got a Taipei personality

When you give up and stop believing in yourself, it’s much easier to worship and idolize another. That’s how ass kissing and celebrity worshiping begins.

Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?

What do slutty women and Windows have in common? They’re both backwards compatible.