What do you call a Scottish parrot ? A Macaw !

I remember a friend asking me why I had a bottle of wine in my car, I said I got it for my wife… He said good trade…

So today I got tickets for the Kanye West concert… I misread it horribly though and I ended up somewhere in Africa

Ever wondered what your nose is for? It stops you eyes from sticking together.

I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20.

I just put a girl in the hospital. I’m in charge of hiring new nurses.

What do you call an Indian stoner? Man, deep

3 years ago someone was laying concrete so I put my hand prints in it. Been here ever since.

Why do Africans get scared when they get diarrhea? Because they think they are melting….

What does a waiter ask a group of Jewish ladies? Q: What does a waiter ask a group of Jewish ladies? A: “Is ANYTHING all right?”