Hey baby, do you like tan lines? Because I fell asleep with a badminton racquet on my face again and

John Cena Bum buh duh dum. Bum buh duh dum.

What does a short sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? They both have wet noses

Why did the chicken go to the bathroom? That’s where all the cocks hang out.

I watched my first porno film last week…. I looked so much younger then.

I like to sit on my hand AFTER i jerk off… ..makes me feel like someone else is making me a sandwich.

My grandma used to say, “I’ll give you something to cry about!”, and then she’d toss a severed hand in my lap.

What’s long and smells like shit? The unemployment line.

Do you know what a Freudian slip is? It’s where you say one thing but fuck your mother.

Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Doesn’t. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma