Girls : “Do I look fat?” A girl asked a high-school boy, “Do I look fat?” The boy replied, “Where?” [teenage]

Don’t ask me about my pan pizza… It’s personal.

Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What’s-

Why had the two algae never had sex? Because they had a planktonic relationship.

Why are pills white? Because they work.

I’d like to give a shout out to those people born in 1932 who are celebrating their 21st birthday today!

What did the bassist say when he played too high? I’m in treble now

Robin Thicke is what would happen if a roofie became a human and decided to make music.

Four years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

Is that chili in your pocket, or are you just terrified to see me?