I asked Santa for a Frisbee when I was a kid…. But I was an only child, so he gave me a boomerang.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away

Waiter there’s a fly in my soup ! Yes it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !

People who cheer at concerts when a musician says the name of their city are the most easily impressed people on earth.

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

$2000 date? We better be sitting at the table with Jay-Z and Obama at the same time while eating dinosaurs & sippin’ on virgin Indian tears.

What program do Jedi use to PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

Have you ever ordered a honeymoon salad? Lettuce Alone.

Ill tell you what I know about Dwarves Very little

What did the two oceans say to each other Nothing.. They waved.