I knew a girl so ugly, she fell asleep at a frat party… and she woke up with more clothes on. (Stolen from Big Bang theory, I just love this joke)

9% Smarter Why are men 9% smarter after sex? They were plugged into a Genius.

I thought she said “tantrum sex” and this is probably the most I’ve ever disappointed a woman.

What is the German word for Constipation? Farfrompoopen.

Just another lawyer joke Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?” Witness: “By death.” Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”

Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?

[Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it’s like you’ve never even heard of ants.

I believe that old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets covering their legs are actually retired mermaids.

What kind of water do ducks drink? Bottled Waddle.

Trevor: That’s a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green. Jill: Yes and I have another pair just like it at home.