Why is King Joffrey like a mattress? Two twins make a King.

Fuck you, little sticker on produce!

Guns don’t kill people… …bullets do.

I lost 15 pounds by moving my bathroom scales from a hard surface to carpet! Great success!

I got fired today “what? why?” no idea “you have no idea?” nope “I’m confused when did this happen?” between pre break break and break

War is not the answer Unless, “What is the opposite of peace?” is the question.

I told my dad that I heard the U.S. is sending warships to Yemen.. “Sounds like some Yemen-aide…”

How can you call it love when you’re crying more than smiling.

Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar. One condom says to the other “Hey man, wanna get shit-faced?”

I shall final no more forever. -Schooling Bull