The Police called to my door last night and said “Your dog was chasing a man on a bike”… …I said “Bullshit, my dog doesn’t have a bike”.

What did the one banana say to the other banana who had his feelings hurt? I know that peel.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month.

It’s only 8:30 am and I’ve managed to work “rock out with your cock out” into a conversation. This day is already a winner.

Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher? A.It’s cloged up with paper plates.

My wife is like a desert wind She rarely blows, but when she does it’s dry.

i’ve never seen a girl under 21 whose iphone screen wasn’t cracked.

Those Essex Girls Whats the difference between a plat of spaghetti and an Essex girl The plate of spaghetti moves when you eat it!

What’s small, black and full of cobwebs? An ethiopian’s asshole.

Did you hear about the deadly fire at the ice cream parlour? Hundreds and thousands were lost