What does a Polish woman and a hockey team have in common? They both change their pads after three periods.

This year for Kwanzaa, I’m getting my roommate the traditional Kwanzaa toy. A Dr. Dreidel

What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? A pool table

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Alsation: What is your favorite holiday? Chihuahua: Howloween!

Are you the 7th planet from the sun? Cause I sure would like to probe Uranus.

What do you call four Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean? Quatro Sinko

What hairstyle does Christopher Nolan get at the barber? A director’s cut

A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.

did you hear about the constipated mathematician? he worked it out with a pencil…. a number two pencil