A man and a boy walk into the woods together at night Boy: “It’s dark and scary in here” Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone”

If I know anything about girls, it’s that they appreciate privacy. Trust me I’ve read a ton of diaries.

What do you call a Shi Tzu giving a blowjob? Shit Head.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don’t call it Liam then what is even the point of you

What did the tailor say after a job well done? There is nothing left too loose.

What do you call a short Mexican? A paragraph because hes not quite yet an essay.

after chuck norris eats a large meal, he literaly burns of the caleries

Doctor’s Office Visit The doctor asked me how my bowel movements have been lately, I told him very dark. He asked me to describe so I said, “every time i look into the bowl, it spells out ‘DIE’”

Team Rocket Were Caught Performing a Lewd Sex Act… Ass to Meowth

*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* “Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar.”