What does a fisherman say when he catches a fish? His catch-phrase. Short n’ Sweet, hope you like it!

learn just enough tap dancing just to tap dance out of the room when you win an argument

Los Angeles announced plans to lease 288 all-electric police cars. Do you know where they’ll use them? In Watts. I’ll see myself out now.

Why did the mouse eat a candle ? For some light refreshment!

Always Drive Drunk That way, if you get into an accident, at least you are drunk.

A man was apprehended for public masturbation but ultimately let go because he only did it for 10 seconds… Ya, he definitely got off easy.

Apparently Donald Trump’s favourite film is E.T… Because it’s about an illegal alien that goes home.

How does a Liverpudlian get to work… He doesn’t.

I find it insulting that Arby’s mascot isn’t a pirate bee.

*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: crab seems untrustworthy Day 3: CRA B LEAR N ING TO WRI TE