What’s the hardest part about dumping a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Liquid ASS Prank In Aunts Room

I like the way the earth revolves! It really makes my day!

Life without you is like FACEBOOK without friends, YOUTUBE without videos and GOOGLE with no results…

We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t stop internet porn from buffering every 20 seconds.

9 out of 10 dentists agree: golf is a fantastic way to avoid raising your children.

I love people who order coffee like they’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system.

“I woke up like this” [looks terrible]

What should you always ask after someone says “I’d fuck her, but only with a bag on her head”? Paper or plastic?

About to go for a run, because shoplifting