I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution. 3840×2160

What do you call a virgin redneck? A 7 year old who can run faster than her brothers.

What stories are told by basketball players ? Tall stories !

I had an eight course Irish dinner tonight. A six pack of beer, a potato, and a glass of whiskey to finish it off.

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago… …so far, all it’s been doing is gathering dust…

My wife… It’s difficult to say what she does… She sells seashells on the seashore.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Barbie-Got-Run-Over-by-a-Reindeer …an excellent Holiday gift idea

BABY COW: [points at human] What’s that? OLDER COW: That is a milk dracula

“Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight…? You’re so radical!” How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend

As the wise Confucius once said…. If you drop watch in toilet, you have shitty time