Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo? A: They make good paddles.

Today I will be communicating exclusively through farts and meows

Dads: what times your flight? Sons: 4pm Dads: id get there at 8am

How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune.

new password. I was trying to come up with a new password for one of my sites, jokingly I typed in ‘mypenis’. Message came back, ‘sorry not long enough;

What’s the difference between an immigrant & a book? One of them has papers.

New cardboard AIDS test if your skin is darker than a piece of cardboard you probably have AIDS.

A little kid’s in school taking a true-false test and he’s flipping a coin. At the end of the test he’s flipping the coin again. The teacher says “What are you doing?” He says “Checking my answers.”

I told one of my coworkers who happens to be Mexican that he better hope Trump doesn’t become president… Or else he’ll be hiding out in his attic like Anne Frank.

I’m going to run a marathon next year. It’s a huge challenge, but 26 miles in 365 days is definitely doable.