Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest… Have fun getting that song out of your head.

[describing criminal to sketch artist] He had the damp chest of a man with an excessive lisp. He was eating a newspaper.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.

A termite walks into a bar… And asks “Is the bartender here?”

What do you call a spoiled sausage? A brat-wurst.

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

I became a vegetarian yesterday. I regret it already, I guess you can say it was a missed steak.

How many Nice Guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just complement the bulb and get pissed that it won’t screw

Today, my teacher stated that he used to work for NASA. He told that class that he became a teacher because it paid more.

Sometimes I put a vase of flowers outside to let other flowers know that if they try to be prettier than me, I’ll cut their legs off too.